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Burk We no longer feel the social pressure to confine sex to committed relationships. Sex is now an accepted recreational activity. We may have overcome our fear and shame about sex, but many of us still have issues regarding intimacy. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle, we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be triggered. When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourselves more completely and more honestly than at any other time.
We let our egos die for a moment, and we have the chance to experience a true connection with another person. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. And we equate love and commitment with vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs will not be met. What most of us crave, however, is not sex, but intimacy. The challenge is that the only model most of us have for expressing or experiencing intimacy is sex.
Intimacy requires trust, and trust takes time. The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs early in the relationship. Safety is essential in the early stages of a relationship—even the smallest safety violation can mark the end of a budding romance. As we get to know our partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and familiarity.